He’s such a great guy, Ash – but I don’t know how to talk to him about, about.

She paused searching carefully for her words.

About, huff, you know! 

Ah, I told my sister, searching everywhere in that airtight moment for some wise words, which of course weren’t mine to give as I was only a few years older than her. Youthful wisdom is a pearl of cheap price to my generation. Cheap dates. Cheap makeouts. Cheap love.

Ave? You’ve heard about that podcast, called, um, Consider Before Consuming? 

That’s when I learned that Podcast is to twenty-five as Insta Reels is to nineteen. I felt old, which again, is weird because I was only a few years older than her. I tried again.

Porn Kills Love! Fight the New Drug? Here’s my idea. Wear one of those shirts the next time you get coffee with him at Harriet & Oak. Put it under a jean jacket, black jeans. It’ll be staring him right in the face. The. Whole. Time. He will have to say something, Ave!

There was a pause over the phone. Then, she nervously laughed. Do you think it will work? 

I honestly had no idea. I knew my sister liked the guy, but she cared more about men beating addiction. This was going to be the breaking point and she agreed to my brilliantly hatched plan to have a conversation on how pornography is a temporary pleasure that dehumanizes another person. 

Decades of studies have shown the significant impact pornographic addiction and use have on relationships. With 28,000 people watching porn at any given moment, and with 73% of young men and women accessing pornography from their phones, it’s a relentless addiction that can make or break any relationship. Research from Covenant Eyes shows that 55% of people over twenty-five believe pornography is wrong, whereas 90% of those under 25 are accepting, encouraging or neutral. During the Covid-19 Pandemic, pornographic use increased in the U.S. from 14 to thirty percent.

But, one thing is clear. Love is not use. It is not cheap. It does not come from a click.

Globally, many grassroots ministries for young adults by young adults are meeting the need for men and women’s addiction recovery through in-person and virtual retreats, support groups, and counseling. Rachel Killacky, founder of Magdala Ministries, shares hope with women, “Lust did not attack you because you can’t love. Lust attacked you because your love is meant to change the world.”

The conversation is meant to be as rich and deep as the coffee itself. There is no such thing as chance meetings, chance coffees, and chance messaging. Opening a conversation on a date about how our hearts desire love can be frightening, especially when porn is a challenging subject to discuss with our peers and parents. Talking about porn demands space for receptivity, not shame. Instead of questioning and seeking an explanation, an initial dialogue centered on the human heart’s ability and desire to give love and receive it with another person, instead of a product, allows for trust, vulnerability, and accountability in a new relationship. Listen to console their heart. When on the dating scene, the message to love is bold. If it isn’t a shirt that starts the conversation, then it must be the courage to show up and give an invitation to a relationship centered on truth and the Lord. Men and women are on a mission for love, and as we all know, love is meant to change the world. The invitation to a free, fruitful, faithful, total love comes one sip at a time.

So What’s Actually Wrong With Pornography?

5 Tips For Talking About Porn | Fight The New Drug

1. Don’t make your partner feel like you’re judging or shaming them at first disclosure.

2. Give your partner a chance to explain before jumping to conclusions.3. Be clear about your views on porn when it comes to your life and relationship.

3. Be clear about your views on porn when it comes to your life and relationship.

4. Check in every now and then.

5. What if your partner thinks porn is no big deal?

Get more detailed tips HERE.

How Pornography Affects Individuals

Traditional Catholic Prayer for the Addicted

God of mercy, we bless you in the name of your Son, Jesus Christ, who ministered to all who
come to Him. Give your strength to (name of the one I am praying for), who is bound by the
chains of addiction. Enfold him/her in your love and restore him/her to freedom through
your grace.
Lord, look with compassion on all those who have lost their health and have broken
relationships because of their attachment to the object of their addiction. Restore to them the
assurance of your unfailing mercy, and strengthen them in the work of recovery. To those who
care for them, grant patient understanding and a love that perseveres.
Lord, in your servant, Venerable Matt Talbot you have given us a wonderful example of
triumph over addiction, of devotion to duty, and of lifelong reverence of the Holy Sacrament.
May his life of prayer and penance give (name of the one I am praying for) courage to take up
his/her cross and follow in the footsteps of Our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Father, we ask
this through Christ our Lord.

Photo by Andrik Langfield on Unsplash

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